The Prince

Chapter 17 of Niccolo Machiavelli's book, The Prince poses the question "Is it better to be loved or to be feared?". Of course, there should be a balance of the two, if possible. But reality check, it's just so difficult to actually be loved and feared at the same time, with the right amount of love and right amount of fear to receive. I encountered Michiavelli and The Prince in my SocSci II class in college and I didn't think then that this question will be of importance to me now. I tried to give myself an answer when one of my students asked me once, "Ma'am bakit po hindi kayo maging mahigpit?" I gave her the safest answer I could give, a smile. :) But afterwards I tried to reflect on her question and it led me to the question in The Prince.

On my first year of teaching, I was still adjusting, adapting to the totally different world I entered. teaching more or less 50 Filipino college students per class is not the same as teaching one to two Korean elementary and high school teenagers at a time; and teaching in a classroom set up in a university in the province is not the same as teaching in a bedroom or living room in a comfortable house in Manila. I learned to be patient because of my Korean students. I learned to be lenient as well. And both, I applied in my classroom. I guess I was trying to be as nice as possible to my students trying to give them a friendly and comfortable environment when I'm around. Besides, we were almost of the same ages (I was just 20 then) so i couldn't really be as strict as most professors were. Late papers, it's okay. Absences, it's okay. 2nd chance, okay. 3rd chance, okay. 4th chance, okay. Nth chance. Ugh, okay. My students and I were like friends, brothers, sisters, family. We cracked jokes around, we made fun of each other, they told me their problems. We were very comfortable with each other. I was sooo lenient because of this kind of relationship we had. I loved them, and they loved me I guess.

But they did not fear me, I know.

I never got mad in class. When they're too noisy, I just keep quiet and when they had finished talking I just smiled and continued the discussion. When they submitted late papers, "Hmmm. Next time,ha." And even for the nth time, I still give them that reaction, then accept their papers afterwards. I just couldn't say NO.

The question of my student had a follow-up: "Ma'am, bakit po hindi kayo maging mahigpit? Para po kasing di na kayo sinusunod ng mga studyante nyo." THAT really bothered me.

Am I really too lenient that my students think that they can do anything they want because they know I won't get mad at them? Are they setting aside my requirements and doing other subjects' first because they know I will understand them and accept late submissions? Am I being too nice, and being loved to the point that my students are being very comfortable already? Am I happy and satisfied  being loved ... but not feared at all?

The following year I tried something else. The first few Yes's I tried to avoid giving out broke my heart. The first few NOs I had to say weren't as strongly said as I wanted them to be. But I had to be firm. I had to be strict. I had to be feared. So I tried to be firm with all the NOs I had to give.

Now I give considerate NOs, a lot of them. I still give a second chance, but not a third (unless of course the student deserves it). I still accept late papers, only if the reason is valid and acceptable, and HONEST, but just once. I still keep quiet when they are very noisy, but with a look saying, "Mag-ingay lang kayo,ewan ko lang kung magugustuhan nyo ang mangyayari (I don't mean anything on than,it's just the facial expression. Hehe)". I still smile, but still say NO.

Of course I don't say no for nothing. It's like choosing between pathos and logos, then trying to focus on the logos (specially that I'm a girl, and I tend to be too emotional at times; I couldn't be strict before because I always felt pity). Now I think my students think I'm strict. but I would want to think that I am considerably strict. They know the consequences of their actions. No paper, no grade. No exam because of laziness to look for their schedule, no special exam for them. Absent for unacceptable reason, grade deduction. Lame excuses - a big NO. Somehow, I am "feared". And it pays off. Because they submit their papers on time after the first warning, because now they exert effort to check their schedules for major exams, and inform me prior the exam for any conflicts, because they don't exceed to the maximum number of allowable absences, because they say sorry after I say no. It pays off because I know, I see, that THEY LEARN.

To be feared doesn't mean my students will face me with shaking knees and sweating palms, or sweating everything. It's just an enough amount of fear, with enough amount of love, which I think led to enough amount of respect, and I am really happy with that.