Dear You,
IT'S OK NOT TO BE OK.
I know you're hurting. I know how difficult this thing is for you. You may think that you've made wrong decisions AGAIN. You may feel stupid for letting "history repeat itself", but hey, cliche as it may sound, but everything happens for a reason. The purpose of all these things will be revealed to you as soon as YOU ARE READY to see it. Right now, just, EMBRACE THE EMOTION. Feel it. Let your heart be broken. Nothing wrong with that. It happens. Soon, after all the pain, you'll realize HOW HAPPY BEING HAPPY IS. Don't try to cover up the pain, the more you do, the more it becomes eager to show itself. Let it be.
I know you have worries. I know you have been thinking too much. I won't tell you to stop worrying coz I know it's hard to do. But, I'll tell you what, you don't have control over everything, but YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER SOME THINGS. So why not focus on those, and work them out? If you keep on thinking how they could get through, you yourself would not get through. Let them see things with their own eyes. Let them work on the things they have control over, just as you should work on yours. Just trust that they can do it; that's all they need. That's all you can do for them.
I know you're sad. I know how much you want to cry, and I know that you don't understand why those tears just won't come out. Relax. Maybe not now, maybe not yet. Maybe your heart can still handle it. Isn't that a good news? You've always been a crybaby, but look at you now, no tears. You're handling things well. You're handling things with grace.
You're doing great, don't worry.
Hugs,
Val
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Sunday, April 8, 2012
April "Fools" Day :)
Oh,yes,April 1!! :))
At 7:00 PM, (I was late so it was around 7:10), we started walking, chatting, looking for that Korean Restaurant, and finally, celebrating the birthday of my two superfriend housemates, Joicee (April 1) and Jelly (April 9). :D
... and drank (well,THEY)....................
... and chatted, and laughed the whole night!! :D (We went Noraebang after but we didn't have pictures there. :| )
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| All the Single Ladies Birthday Girls, Joicee and Jelly, and their uber cute cake c/o Ate Regh :) |
At a Korean restaurant (I forgot the name, sorry) somewhere in Ortigas, we ate............................
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| Samgyeopsal! :) |
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| Soju! |
... and took pictures................................
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| Erick, Joicee, Vince |
... and took more pictures..............
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| Le, Jelly, Vek |
... and more..............
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| Speech Comm majors!!! |
... and chatted, and laughed the whole night!! :D (We went Noraebang after but we didn't have pictures there. :| )
It was a very tiring and happy day. Happy to see my friends, celebrate their birthdays (with their brothers Erick and Vek, and with college friends Vince and Ate Regh), and celebrate life with them! :D
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| Happy Fools! :D |
Next: Summer outing!!! BEACH!!! :D
Thursday, March 15, 2012
33rd "Monthsary"
The idea is from a dear friend Gracee, who celebrates her 1st month in her new job today. (Congrats!!) And I realized that my first day at work was also on a 15th. It was June 15, 2009 and today is my 33rd month in BatStateU. :D
That's too long to compress in a single post, too many memories to write (but I really can't write them all) so here are some of the high lights (which were documented) of the past 33 months of Maa'am Val. :D
Dear job,
Happy 33rd monthsary!! :)))
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| with my students (2009-2011) |
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| BERSEC Team, July, 2010 |
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| President's Night, October 2010 |
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| Dart Tournament, December 2010 |
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| Mr. and Ms. BatStateU, March 2011 |
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| Prof Ed class final video shoot, March 2011 |
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| Graduation, April 2011 |
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| CTE Summer Outing, April 2011 |
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| Fun Run, August 2011 |
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| w/ CON, General Christmas Party, December 2011 |
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| w/ Ms. Eleonor and Ms. Rhea, Sir EJ's bday, December 2011 |
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| HRM Function, February 2012 |
Let's count more months, and more years. I want you to know that I'm deeply in love with you. :)) More love!! :D
-Val
Monday, March 12, 2012
Sharing a Piece of You
"Service is the rent we pay for living."
Marion Wright Eddelman
It just feels so good to be able to give a part of yourself to other people. And for that, my deepest gratitude to the College of Arts and Sciences for giving me the opportunity to be a faculty extension volunteer. (Lakas maka-speech nito. Haha!)
Who wouldn't want to be helped in times of difficulty? And who, wouldn't want to lay a hand on those who are in need? For the record, I am not rich. And one doesn't have to be rich to be able to help. Money is not the only thing that you can share. Unfortunately, in this "material world", money talks. But though money is ,yes, I must admit, important, having it is not everything. Perhaps, lucky are those who have the money to share to others, to provide for others' needs, to give help to those who are empty-handed. They are those who are more often than not, always given the opportunity to reach out to others. Politicians, celebrities, businessmen, just to name some. But the unsung heroes are those who give a piece of themselves without having to be as rich as those I mentioned. They are those who are given the opportunity to give out their service, to share a little of their time, and a little of themselves to provide not for others' material needs, but for something more than what the eyes can see. But whether you have the money or not, what's important is the heart that you have for giving.
I'm lucky to have the opportunity to serve, to a small community in our town. It's not as big as other projects like "Sagip Kapamilya", or, "Kariton Classroom". But as stated in our certificate (not so clear in the picture though): "I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something."
'Til next August, team CAS! :))
Monday, January 23, 2012
The Joy of 'Sight Seeing'
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| The feeling of freedom and joy upon watching kids laugh. photo credit |
My friends had a great time in Dasma, and I really wished I could have joined them, but staying in the plaza today made my Monday totally different from all other normal Mondays I had (and not just because it's a holiday). Indeed,this is a life made lovely. :))
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Smiles for 2012
It's amazing how time flies! Another year has ended and here I am, on the 23rd year of my life. 2011 has been good to me,not because the whole year went easy and I didn't have difficulties but because it gave me the chance to live my 22nd year full of learnings and realizations in life. A usual listing of reflections as another year ends sounds good but I guess there's this one big thing I got the previous years (specially last year) that I would still want to carry on this year and the years to come.
Smile.
I've always been a crybaby and it's just depressing to cry a lot. The previous year had given me a lot of reasons to cry and it was just so painful. Though I felt better (somehow) after shedding those tears (and I mean, TEARS), I just don't feel like crying anymore. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong about crying, but too much of it is just not good. People have their own share of dramas in life, and these are all part of the past, whether you dwell on it, mourn over it, or just smile or laugh at it. Your today is more important,so why bother crying too much over something that's always been part of your yesterday?
Cry a little, SMILE A LOT. It works better. It does far more than we can imagine. It heals the most painful wound. It brings joy to the heart and soul. It juts lightens up everything, plus it makes you more beautiful. And besides, IT'S FREE.
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Smiling is infectious, You can catch it like the flu. Someone smiled at me today, And I started smiling too. ~Author Unknown |
I had a lot of people smiled at me, some I knew, some I didn’t. Nevertheless, their smiles just made my days more wonderful. So for this year, I would want to share more smiles to those around me, with the hope that the smiles I had last year which brought joy to my whole year would also bring joy to theirs.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Nostalgia Part 2
My Friday was just the same as other Fridays (except for Falcon). I was in school the whole day (well, the local government didn't cancel classes despite the almost non-stop heavy rain, and not to mention that our school is just ''a kembot away'' from the beach). So the day went on just like most Fridays. But for some Filipinos (whose patron Saint is St. John the Baptist,including Lian,Batangas) it was a blessed fiesta despite the rain. The Fiesta didn't really get into my mind until 1pm when I came to class with only a handful of students. (the rest were stranded somewhere in Lian or along the way back to school). But still,the "fiesta thing" was not in my mind. And so the day ended. And this afternoon, I opened my facebook account and saw the album Town Fiesta 2011 posted by one of our students in BSU. I didn't notice that I was actually smiling (and my eyes turned teary) as I looked at the pictures.
Every year, one of the high lights of Lian's town fiesta is the Serenata (Battle of the Bands) usually held the night before fiesta. This is where all brass bands from Lian gather to show off their compositions, and everything about music that they could show off. But what people really await (I think) is the dance showdown of each band's majorettes. :))
The thing is, I was a school band majorette from Grade 3 to 4th year high school. And I was a majorette for Banda 96 (one of Lian's brass bands) from Grade 6 to 2nd year college. Give it a little Math, I was a majorette for more or less a decade. During summer (Mayuhan as we call it) a lot of towns celebrate their fiesta, so we consider this as our peak season. We literally spend 90% of our summer walking on a parade, dancing, playing music, and giving people entertainment. A town fiesta is not complete without us! Hehe. :)
It's never easy to be a majorette,specially for someone who really don't want to be a majorette. I wanted to play the clarinet, or saxophone, or trumpet. I didn't want to wear short skirt,didn't want to smile while on parade (under the sun),didn't want to put on make-up,didn't want to rest during processions (while the musicians are playing for the procession), didn't want to be given a "special treatment" for majorettes. But, I knew how to dance, I knew how to use the baton, I had the face value (ang ganda ko! Haha!), and all my three older sisters were majorettes. So I had to endure (naman!) it. I had to wear skirt and be prim and proper because I'm wearing skirt. Had to smile even if it's tooooo damn hot, and I'm toooo damn tired to walk and dance. Had to put make-up on. It may sound weird but I really wanted to be "one of the boys". I wanted to play an instrument so I didn't have to look good all the time (okay lang na dugyot at pawisan), or I didn't have to smile all the time (mahirap ngumiti habang tumutugtog) O,well,I still survived a decade of being a majorette. :p
One of the things I love about a decade of being a majorette (actually,no,on being a member of a brass band) is that we get to go around the whole Batangas, and appreciate the beauty of the place and its people (naks). Sometimes, we also go to Manila, or Cavite, or Mindoro, but mostly to different towns and barangays in Batangas. And what I love most on that decade of experience is the bonding. I met a lot,as in a lot of friends,a lot of new people in and out of the band. Every time we got the chance to rest, we would rather spend it talking to each other, kulitan and stuff than to sleep. It's the tawanan and kulitan that really took away our tiredness. :)) When we had to stay overnight in one place, instead of grabbing the opportunity to get long hours of sleep, we would go to peryahan, or just walk around the place, or just sit somewhere and talk, again and again. :))
All these things I remembered when I saw the picture in Lois' album. (Town Fiesta 2011) Lois is a BSU student, and a majorette of Butiong Band. (She was a majorette of Banda 96). Some of the members are studying in BSU. Some of them are actually my students. Some already have their own families. Some are already working in different companies here, in Manila, or abroad. Most are still playing, but not in Banda 96 anymore. Bottomline is, I miss them a lot. :(
Every year, one of the high lights of Lian's town fiesta is the Serenata (Battle of the Bands) usually held the night before fiesta. This is where all brass bands from Lian gather to show off their compositions, and everything about music that they could show off. But what people really await (I think) is the dance showdown of each band's majorettes. :))
The thing is, I was a school band majorette from Grade 3 to 4th year high school. And I was a majorette for Banda 96 (one of Lian's brass bands) from Grade 6 to 2nd year college. Give it a little Math, I was a majorette for more or less a decade. During summer (Mayuhan as we call it) a lot of towns celebrate their fiesta, so we consider this as our peak season. We literally spend 90% of our summer walking on a parade, dancing, playing music, and giving people entertainment. A town fiesta is not complete without us! Hehe. :)
It's never easy to be a majorette,specially for someone who really don't want to be a majorette. I wanted to play the clarinet, or saxophone, or trumpet. I didn't want to wear short skirt,didn't want to smile while on parade (under the sun),didn't want to put on make-up,didn't want to rest during processions (while the musicians are playing for the procession), didn't want to be given a "special treatment" for majorettes. But, I knew how to dance, I knew how to use the baton, I had the face value (ang ganda ko! Haha!), and all my three older sisters were majorettes. So I had to endure (naman!) it. I had to wear skirt and be prim and proper because I'm wearing skirt. Had to smile even if it's tooooo damn hot, and I'm toooo damn tired to walk and dance. Had to put make-up on. It may sound weird but I really wanted to be "one of the boys". I wanted to play an instrument so I didn't have to look good all the time (okay lang na dugyot at pawisan), or I didn't have to smile all the time (mahirap ngumiti habang tumutugtog) O,well,I still survived a decade of being a majorette. :p
One of the things I love about a decade of being a majorette (actually,no,on being a member of a brass band) is that we get to go around the whole Batangas, and appreciate the beauty of the place and its people (naks). Sometimes, we also go to Manila, or Cavite, or Mindoro, but mostly to different towns and barangays in Batangas. And what I love most on that decade of experience is the bonding. I met a lot,as in a lot of friends,a lot of new people in and out of the band. Every time we got the chance to rest, we would rather spend it talking to each other, kulitan and stuff than to sleep. It's the tawanan and kulitan that really took away our tiredness. :)) When we had to stay overnight in one place, instead of grabbing the opportunity to get long hours of sleep, we would go to peryahan, or just walk around the place, or just sit somewhere and talk, again and again. :))
All these things I remembered when I saw the picture in Lois' album. (Town Fiesta 2011) Lois is a BSU student, and a majorette of Butiong Band. (She was a majorette of Banda 96). Some of the members are studying in BSU. Some of them are actually my students. Some already have their own families. Some are already working in different companies here, in Manila, or abroad. Most are still playing, but not in Banda 96 anymore. Bottomline is, I miss them a lot. :(
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| Banda 96 peeps (L-R: Meel,Kyamew,Lois,Gwaping,Kuya Arnel) |
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Personal Leave
Saw some familiar faces, and a lot of unfamiliar faces who definitely made my one-day-leave really worth it. =)
1. Kuya with Gray contact lens sa LTO Makati
He definitely made my day by telling me that they couldn't process my application for a Non-Professional License because I didn't have the receipt of my Student Permit. (sarcastic of me) But in all fairness, this Kuya was so accommodating and so nice to us. Check lang. =)
2. Kuya sa Customer Service ng LTO San Juan
At first I found him really annoying, irritating, and unaccommodating (comparing him with the Kuya from LTO Makati). He did not smile, he was talking to people as if telling them, "Hey, you're so stupid, can you just read the instructions posted around this office before you ask???" But when I passed my filled-up application form, upon seeing that I am working at BSU, he changed (at least to me. hehe) the way he talked. Still kinda serious, still not smiling, but, we had a small talk. He said he was from BSU Lemery but he was residing in Taal. Okay, something in common. That's nice. He was asking me why I was applying in San Juan and not in Tagaytay. And other things. At least, "tropa na kami ni Kuya". Hehe. =)
3. Doctor Bernardo (still from LTO San Juan)
He was maybe in his 60's, but he knew how to mingle with the young ones. As he wrote my name on the paper, he was like, "ang ganda ng pangalang Valerie". Of course it gave me a smile on my face and knowing the ever "sira ulo at palabirong" me, I answered, "syempre po maganda din ako,eh" (chos!) When he was about to write my civil status, "Single no?" "Opo." "hanggang kelan?" "Pag-iisipan ko po." And when he found out that I was only 22, he was like, "Ah, single pa nga dapat, bata ka pa." I really liked him. Not just because of his compliments and his funny "hirit", but because he reminded me of my lolo. =)
4. Kuya and Ate from the PhotoSig window and Approving Window (LTO San Juan)
Okay, I thought I would be given a reviewer because those around me had reviewers for the exam. But OMG! I took the exam without any review! Of course I did not have any idea of what the exam would be. Neither did I have any idea of what the correct answers were. Some were, well, common sense. Most were about the rules on the road. Err. Passing was 30. I got......29! Partida. Hehe. But still, I failed. Ate from the PhotoSig was the one who informed me that I failed by 1 point. Ouch. But it was totally okay with me. The thing is, sila pa ang mukang nanghihinayang. Even Kuya from the Approving window told me na "Isa na lang!". It felt good somehow that these people, though we didn't know each other had that sympathy for me. Hehe. =)
5. Kuyang Jeepney Driver
"Itago mo Ineng yung cellphone mo." I was shocked when he suddenly talked to me, and I immediately kept my phone in my bag. He said that he had one passenger before who had his cp snatched while inside his jeepney. He told me to be very careful specially that I'm a girl. I felt his concern. We had a small talk about traffic rules (things mentioned in the exam) and stuff about life. When I was about to get off, he reminded me to look at both sides of the road before I get off. Or when I cross the street. I smile and thanked him for that very short moment that we had, where I knew, somehow, he was really concerned. =)
6. Ate in line after me at Cahier 5 of Landmark, Trinoma
I was the next in line to be served. But suddenly, an old woman broke in the line and gave her things to the cashier. The cashier did not notice that the woman broke in the line so she still served her. Then when it was already my turn (again) the lady, (around 40's) next to me told the cashier, "Alam mo ms, sumingit lang yung matanda. Dapat sya (me) na, pero biglang pinatong ng matanda yung bibilhin nya." The cashier, sincerely apologizing to me, said that she did not notice. It was not a big deal anyway. After that I thought, not all people can actually say what the lady next to me said. I mean, we have opinions, and when we see something wrong, even a simple one, we become reluctant to say it especially that we know that its just a simple matter. That lady was reluctant at first so she just let the old woman be served first, but at least, she was able to give a reminder to the cashier not to let it happen again.
7. Sir Robert Go
I was a bit hesitant and, it was a litle awkward for me to say, "Si Sir Go po?" to the instructor who opened the door of the faculty room. He was not there so I just sent him a text message telling him I was at his faculty room. It's been a while, as in a while. I have always been so proud of Robert's achievements. I have always been one of his "fans". Anf seeing his name on the door of FC 3001 was really something that made me smile that afternoon. We did not have much time to talk because he had a meeting but at least, we were able to, even for a very limited time, catch up a little. I was really happy to see him again. =)
8. Ma'am TP de Luna
O,well,she's still the ever pretty Ma'am TP. It's been two years since I last saw her but it felt good that she still remembered my name. She gave me a hug and a "beso" and asked me where I was working. When I told her I was teaching, I saw this big smile on her face as if telling me, "I am so happy for you!" (or maybe that's just my interpretation. hehe) Well, whatever that smile meant, I"m still very very very happy to see her. =)
9. Kuya Lem
The legendary Kuya Lem of the Department of Speech Communication and Theater Arts. Wen I went to the Radio Lab and didn't find him, I was a bit disappointed, at the same time, sad. But! He saw me! We bumped into each other and I was very very very happy! I was so excited to tell hims stuff, just like what we used to do during our college days, when I couldn't find any place to stay in. I liked it when he excitedly asked me, "Kumusta ka na,teacher?" .. And catching up on the two years that we didn't see each other. When he learned that I was applying for a driver's license because I had a motorbike, he was like, "Bakit ka nagmomotor? Baka naman kaskasero ka,ha. Dapat hindi ka nagmomotor, delikado." My heart kinda melt (yayks) feeling the concern and kindness of a kuya, of Kuya Lem. I really really really missed him. And I still do. =)
10. Natasha aka Twinkle
Well, she was on my birthday party last month, but I always miss her still. We had this loooooong conversation about what has happened, and what has been happening to my life, my family life, work life, love life. I had a very long story to tell, and she just listened. I so love her. =)
Strangers some of them may be, but definitely, even strangers give a great impact in our lives. It was only a one-day leave, but it was a loooong day, indeed. We made memories. =)
1. Kuya with Gray contact lens sa LTO Makati
He definitely made my day by telling me that they couldn't process my application for a Non-Professional License because I didn't have the receipt of my Student Permit. (sarcastic of me) But in all fairness, this Kuya was so accommodating and so nice to us. Check lang. =)
2. Kuya sa Customer Service ng LTO San Juan
At first I found him really annoying, irritating, and unaccommodating (comparing him with the Kuya from LTO Makati). He did not smile, he was talking to people as if telling them, "Hey, you're so stupid, can you just read the instructions posted around this office before you ask???" But when I passed my filled-up application form, upon seeing that I am working at BSU, he changed (at least to me. hehe) the way he talked. Still kinda serious, still not smiling, but, we had a small talk. He said he was from BSU Lemery but he was residing in Taal. Okay, something in common. That's nice. He was asking me why I was applying in San Juan and not in Tagaytay. And other things. At least, "tropa na kami ni Kuya". Hehe. =)
3. Doctor Bernardo (still from LTO San Juan)
He was maybe in his 60's, but he knew how to mingle with the young ones. As he wrote my name on the paper, he was like, "ang ganda ng pangalang Valerie". Of course it gave me a smile on my face and knowing the ever "sira ulo at palabirong" me, I answered, "syempre po maganda din ako,eh" (chos!) When he was about to write my civil status, "Single no?" "Opo." "hanggang kelan?" "Pag-iisipan ko po." And when he found out that I was only 22, he was like, "Ah, single pa nga dapat, bata ka pa." I really liked him. Not just because of his compliments and his funny "hirit", but because he reminded me of my lolo. =)
4. Kuya and Ate from the PhotoSig window and Approving Window (LTO San Juan)
Okay, I thought I would be given a reviewer because those around me had reviewers for the exam. But OMG! I took the exam without any review! Of course I did not have any idea of what the exam would be. Neither did I have any idea of what the correct answers were. Some were, well, common sense. Most were about the rules on the road. Err. Passing was 30. I got......29! Partida. Hehe. But still, I failed. Ate from the PhotoSig was the one who informed me that I failed by 1 point. Ouch. But it was totally okay with me. The thing is, sila pa ang mukang nanghihinayang. Even Kuya from the Approving window told me na "Isa na lang!". It felt good somehow that these people, though we didn't know each other had that sympathy for me. Hehe. =)
5. Kuyang Jeepney Driver
"Itago mo Ineng yung cellphone mo." I was shocked when he suddenly talked to me, and I immediately kept my phone in my bag. He said that he had one passenger before who had his cp snatched while inside his jeepney. He told me to be very careful specially that I'm a girl. I felt his concern. We had a small talk about traffic rules (things mentioned in the exam) and stuff about life. When I was about to get off, he reminded me to look at both sides of the road before I get off. Or when I cross the street. I smile and thanked him for that very short moment that we had, where I knew, somehow, he was really concerned. =)
6. Ate in line after me at Cahier 5 of Landmark, Trinoma
I was the next in line to be served. But suddenly, an old woman broke in the line and gave her things to the cashier. The cashier did not notice that the woman broke in the line so she still served her. Then when it was already my turn (again) the lady, (around 40's) next to me told the cashier, "Alam mo ms, sumingit lang yung matanda. Dapat sya (me) na, pero biglang pinatong ng matanda yung bibilhin nya." The cashier, sincerely apologizing to me, said that she did not notice. It was not a big deal anyway. After that I thought, not all people can actually say what the lady next to me said. I mean, we have opinions, and when we see something wrong, even a simple one, we become reluctant to say it especially that we know that its just a simple matter. That lady was reluctant at first so she just let the old woman be served first, but at least, she was able to give a reminder to the cashier not to let it happen again.
7. Sir Robert Go
I was a bit hesitant and, it was a litle awkward for me to say, "Si Sir Go po?" to the instructor who opened the door of the faculty room. He was not there so I just sent him a text message telling him I was at his faculty room. It's been a while, as in a while. I have always been so proud of Robert's achievements. I have always been one of his "fans". Anf seeing his name on the door of FC 3001 was really something that made me smile that afternoon. We did not have much time to talk because he had a meeting but at least, we were able to, even for a very limited time, catch up a little. I was really happy to see him again. =)
8. Ma'am TP de Luna
O,well,she's still the ever pretty Ma'am TP. It's been two years since I last saw her but it felt good that she still remembered my name. She gave me a hug and a "beso" and asked me where I was working. When I told her I was teaching, I saw this big smile on her face as if telling me, "I am so happy for you!" (or maybe that's just my interpretation. hehe) Well, whatever that smile meant, I"m still very very very happy to see her. =)
9. Kuya Lem
The legendary Kuya Lem of the Department of Speech Communication and Theater Arts. Wen I went to the Radio Lab and didn't find him, I was a bit disappointed, at the same time, sad. But! He saw me! We bumped into each other and I was very very very happy! I was so excited to tell hims stuff, just like what we used to do during our college days, when I couldn't find any place to stay in. I liked it when he excitedly asked me, "Kumusta ka na,teacher?" .. And catching up on the two years that we didn't see each other. When he learned that I was applying for a driver's license because I had a motorbike, he was like, "Bakit ka nagmomotor? Baka naman kaskasero ka,ha. Dapat hindi ka nagmomotor, delikado." My heart kinda melt (yayks) feeling the concern and kindness of a kuya, of Kuya Lem. I really really really missed him. And I still do. =)
10. Natasha aka Twinkle
Well, she was on my birthday party last month, but I always miss her still. We had this loooooong conversation about what has happened, and what has been happening to my life, my family life, work life, love life. I had a very long story to tell, and she just listened. I so love her. =)
Strangers some of them may be, but definitely, even strangers give a great impact in our lives. It was only a one-day leave, but it was a loooong day, indeed. We made memories. =)
Monday, January 24, 2011
A Good Read. =)
An e-mail I received from a friend on the time I thought I needed it most.
Father John Powell, a professor at Loyola University in Chicago, writes about a student in his Theology of Faith class named Tommy:
"Some twelve years ago, I stood watching my university students file into the classroom for our first session in the Theology of Faith.
That was the day I first saw Tommy. My eyes and my mind both blinked. He was combing his long flaxen hair, which hung six inches below his shoulders. It was the first time I had ever seen a boy with hair that long. I guess it was just coming into fashion then. I know in my mind that it isn't what's on your head but what's in it that counts; but on that day I was unprepared and my emotions flipped.. I
immediately filed Tommy under 'S' for strange... Very strange.
Tommy turned out to be the 'atheist in residence' in my Theology of Faith course. He constantly objected to, smirked at, or whined about the possibility of an
unconditionally loving Father/God. We lived with each other in relative peace for one semester, although I admit he was for me at times a serious pain in the back pew.
When he came up at the end of the course to turn in his final exam, he asked in a cynical tone, 'Do you think I'll ever find God?'
I decided instantly on a little shock therapy. 'No!' I said very emphatically.
'Why not,' he responded, 'I thought that was the product you were pushing.'
I let him get five steps from the classroom door and then called out, 'Tommy! I don't think you'll ever find Him, but I am absolutely certain that He will find you!' He shrugged a little and left my class and my life.
I felt slightly disappointed at the thought that he had missed my clever line -- He will find you! At least I thought it was clever. Later I heard that Tommy had graduated, and I was duly grateful.
Then a sad report came. I heard that Tommy had terminal cancer. Before I could search him out, he came to see me. When he walked into my office, his body was very badly wasted and the long hair had all fallen out as a result of chemotherapy. But his eyes were bright and his voice was firm, for the first time, I believe.
'Tommy, I've thought about you so often; I hear you are sick,' I blurted out.
'Oh, yes, very sick. I have cancer in both lungs. It's a matter of weeks...'
'Can you talk about it, Tom?' I asked.
'Sure, what would you like to know?' he replied.
'What's it like to be only twenty-four and dying?
'Well, it could be worse.
'Like what?
'Well, like being fifty and having no values or ideals, like being fifty and thinking that booze, seducing women, and making money are the real biggies in life..
I began to look through my mental file cabinet under 'S' where I had filed Tommy as strange. (It seems as though everybody I try to reject by classification, God sends back into my life to educate me.)
'But what I really came to see you about,' Tom said, 'is something you said to me on the last day of class.' (He remembered!) He continued, 'I asked you if you thought I would ever find God and you said, 'No!' which surprised me. Then you said, 'But He will find you.' I thought about that a lot, even though my search for God was hardly intense at that time.
(My clever line. He thought about that a lot!)
'But when the doctors removed a lump from my groin and told me that it was malignant, that's when I got serious about locating God.. And when the malignancy spread into my vital organs, I really began banging bloody fists against the bronze doors of heaven.. But God did not come out. In fact, nothing happened. Did you ever try anything for a long time with great effort and with no success? You get psychologically glutted, fed up with trying. And then you quit.
'Well, one day I woke up, and instead of throwing a few more futile appeals over that high brick wall to a God who may be or may not be there, I just quit. I decided that I didn't really care about God, about an afterlife, or anything like
that. I decided to spend what time I had left doing something more profitable. I thought about you and your class and I remembered something else you had said: 'The essential sadness is to go through life without loving. But it would be almost equally sad to go through life and leave this world without ever telling those you loved that you had loved them.''
'So, I began with the hardest one, my Dad.. He was reading the newspaper when I approached him.. 'Dad.
'Yes, what?' he asked without lowering the newspaper.
'Dad, I would like to talk with you.'
'Well, talk.
'I mean . It's really important.'
The newspaper came down three slow inches. 'What is it?'
'Dad, I love you, I just wanted you to know that.' Tom smiled at me and said it with obvious satisfaction, as though he felt a warm and secret joy flowing inside of him. 'The newspaper fluttered to the floor. Then my father did two things I could never remember him ever doing before. He cried and he hugged me. We talked all night, even though he had to go to work the next morning. It felt so good to be close to my father, to see his tears, to feel his hug, to hear him say that he loved me..'
'It was easier with my mother and little brother. They cried with me, too, and we hugged each other, and started saying real nice things to each other. We shared the things we had been keeping secret for so many years.
'I was only sorry about one thing --- that I had waited so long. Here I was, just beginning to open up to all the people I had actually been close to.
'Then, one day I turned around and God was there. He didn't come to me when I pleaded with Him. I guess I was like an animal trainer holding out a hoop, 'C'mon, jump through. C'mon, I'll give you three days, three weeks.''
'Apparently God does things in His own way and at His own hour. But the important thing is that He was there. He found me! You were right. He found me even after I stopped looking for Him.'
'Tommy,' I practically gasped, 'I think you are saying something very important and much more universal than you realize. To me, at least, you are saying that the surest way to find God is not to make Him a private possession, a problem solver, or an instant consolation in time of need, but rather by opening to love. You know, the Apostle John said that. He said: 'God is love, and anyone who lives in
love is living with God and God is living in him.' Tom, could I ask you a favor? You know, when I had you in class you were a real pain. But (laughingly) you can make it all up to me now. Would you come into my present Theology of Faith course and tell them what you have just told me? If I told them the same thing it would not be half as effective as if you were to tell it.
'Oooh.. I was ready for you, but I don't know if I'm ready for your class.'
'Tom, think about it. If and when you are ready, give me a call.'
In a few days Tom called, said he was ready for the class, that he wanted to do that for God and for me. So we scheduled a date.
However, he never made it. He had another appointment, far more important than the one with me and my class. Of course, his life was not really ended by his death, only changed. He made the great step from faith into vision. He found a
life far more beautiful than the eye of man has ever seen or the ear of man has ever heard or the mind of man has ever imagined.
Before he died, we talked one last time.
'I'm not going to make it to your class,' he said.
'I know, Tom.'
'Will you tell them for me? Will you tell the whole world for me?'
I will, Tom. I'll tell them. I'll do my best.'
So, to all of you who have been kind enough to read this simple story about God's love, thank you for listening. And to you, Tommy, somewhere in the sunlit, verdant hills of heaven --- I told them, Tommy, as best I could.
"Some twelve years ago, I stood watching my university students file into the classroom for our first session in the Theology of Faith.
That was the day I first saw Tommy. My eyes and my mind both blinked. He was combing his long flaxen hair, which hung six inches below his shoulders. It was the first time I had ever seen a boy with hair that long. I guess it was just coming into fashion then. I know in my mind that it isn't what's on your head but what's in it that counts; but on that day I was unprepared and my emotions flipped.. I
immediately filed Tommy under 'S' for strange... Very strange.
Tommy turned out to be the 'atheist in residence' in my Theology of Faith course. He constantly objected to, smirked at, or whined about the possibility of an
unconditionally loving Father/God. We lived with each other in relative peace for one semester, although I admit he was for me at times a serious pain in the back pew.
When he came up at the end of the course to turn in his final exam, he asked in a cynical tone, 'Do you think I'll ever find God?'
I decided instantly on a little shock therapy. 'No!' I said very emphatically.
'Why not,' he responded, 'I thought that was the product you were pushing.'
I let him get five steps from the classroom door and then called out, 'Tommy! I don't think you'll ever find Him, but I am absolutely certain that He will find you!' He shrugged a little and left my class and my life.
I felt slightly disappointed at the thought that he had missed my clever line -- He will find you! At least I thought it was clever. Later I heard that Tommy had graduated, and I was duly grateful.
Then a sad report came. I heard that Tommy had terminal cancer. Before I could search him out, he came to see me. When he walked into my office, his body was very badly wasted and the long hair had all fallen out as a result of chemotherapy. But his eyes were bright and his voice was firm, for the first time, I believe.
'Tommy, I've thought about you so often; I hear you are sick,' I blurted out.
'Oh, yes, very sick. I have cancer in both lungs. It's a matter of weeks...'
'Can you talk about it, Tom?' I asked.
'Sure, what would you like to know?' he replied.
'What's it like to be only twenty-four and dying?
'Well, it could be worse.
'Like what?
'Well, like being fifty and having no values or ideals, like being fifty and thinking that booze, seducing women, and making money are the real biggies in life..
I began to look through my mental file cabinet under 'S' where I had filed Tommy as strange. (It seems as though everybody I try to reject by classification, God sends back into my life to educate me.)
'But what I really came to see you about,' Tom said, 'is something you said to me on the last day of class.' (He remembered!) He continued, 'I asked you if you thought I would ever find God and you said, 'No!' which surprised me. Then you said, 'But He will find you.' I thought about that a lot, even though my search for God was hardly intense at that time.
(My clever line. He thought about that a lot!)
'But when the doctors removed a lump from my groin and told me that it was malignant, that's when I got serious about locating God.. And when the malignancy spread into my vital organs, I really began banging bloody fists against the bronze doors of heaven.. But God did not come out. In fact, nothing happened. Did you ever try anything for a long time with great effort and with no success? You get psychologically glutted, fed up with trying. And then you quit.
'Well, one day I woke up, and instead of throwing a few more futile appeals over that high brick wall to a God who may be or may not be there, I just quit. I decided that I didn't really care about God, about an afterlife, or anything like
that. I decided to spend what time I had left doing something more profitable. I thought about you and your class and I remembered something else you had said: 'The essential sadness is to go through life without loving. But it would be almost equally sad to go through life and leave this world without ever telling those you loved that you had loved them.''
'So, I began with the hardest one, my Dad.. He was reading the newspaper when I approached him.. 'Dad.
'Yes, what?' he asked without lowering the newspaper.
'Dad, I would like to talk with you.'
'Well, talk.
'I mean . It's really important.'
The newspaper came down three slow inches. 'What is it?'
'Dad, I love you, I just wanted you to know that.' Tom smiled at me and said it with obvious satisfaction, as though he felt a warm and secret joy flowing inside of him. 'The newspaper fluttered to the floor. Then my father did two things I could never remember him ever doing before. He cried and he hugged me. We talked all night, even though he had to go to work the next morning. It felt so good to be close to my father, to see his tears, to feel his hug, to hear him say that he loved me..'
'It was easier with my mother and little brother. They cried with me, too, and we hugged each other, and started saying real nice things to each other. We shared the things we had been keeping secret for so many years.
'I was only sorry about one thing --- that I had waited so long. Here I was, just beginning to open up to all the people I had actually been close to.
'Then, one day I turned around and God was there. He didn't come to me when I pleaded with Him. I guess I was like an animal trainer holding out a hoop, 'C'mon, jump through. C'mon, I'll give you three days, three weeks.''
'Apparently God does things in His own way and at His own hour. But the important thing is that He was there. He found me! You were right. He found me even after I stopped looking for Him.'
'Tommy,' I practically gasped, 'I think you are saying something very important and much more universal than you realize. To me, at least, you are saying that the surest way to find God is not to make Him a private possession, a problem solver, or an instant consolation in time of need, but rather by opening to love. You know, the Apostle John said that. He said: 'God is love, and anyone who lives in
love is living with God and God is living in him.' Tom, could I ask you a favor? You know, when I had you in class you were a real pain. But (laughingly) you can make it all up to me now. Would you come into my present Theology of Faith course and tell them what you have just told me? If I told them the same thing it would not be half as effective as if you were to tell it.
'Oooh.. I was ready for you, but I don't know if I'm ready for your class.'
'Tom, think about it. If and when you are ready, give me a call.'
In a few days Tom called, said he was ready for the class, that he wanted to do that for God and for me. So we scheduled a date.
However, he never made it. He had another appointment, far more important than the one with me and my class. Of course, his life was not really ended by his death, only changed. He made the great step from faith into vision. He found a
life far more beautiful than the eye of man has ever seen or the ear of man has ever heard or the mind of man has ever imagined.
Before he died, we talked one last time.
'I'm not going to make it to your class,' he said.
'I know, Tom.'
'Will you tell them for me? Will you tell the whole world for me?'
I will, Tom. I'll tell them. I'll do my best.'
So, to all of you who have been kind enough to read this simple story about God's love, thank you for listening. And to you, Tommy, somewhere in the sunlit, verdant hills of heaven --- I told them, Tommy, as best I could.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Fate
"I don't want to entertain my feelings for you. But it's just so difficult to do."
All the questions I have been asking myself, and I have been wanting to ask him. All the doubts I have, all the worries, all the pain and sadness. These lines started the end of it. Finally....
Finally I had the courage to tell him everything I wanted to say. Finally, I was able to release all the pains I had been keeping for so long. It was still painful,indeed. In fact, it was more painful than I though it would be.
Our story is simply complicated.. Family matters, trust issues, status (me as a teacher,and he as my student). It's been a year when we first met. He was just one of my students then. Just one of my students. Nothing special. He was not even part of my class at first. He was enrolled in my class but because he was an irregular student, he attended classes that fit his schedule. He attended another class of the same subject so I asked him to have his name transfered in that class. But instead, he chose to attend my class. Okay,no big deal.
He was a good student. He seldom made absences. He often participated in discussions. He was good in English, I must say better than most of his classmates. He was smart. Okay. Still, no big deal.
Before the semester ended, we became friends. Started exchanging text messages. Got to know each other better. He was different compared to those guys who had tried to be my friend. He never asked about my love life, never asked about me having no boyfriend, never asked anything about romantic relationships. That was good. And I liked it. He was different. He was sweet. He was platonic. And I liked it.
Then months went by. I received messages from him everyday, checking if I was okay. Asking what I was doing. Sharing stories. Listening to my stories. Got to know each other more and more. And I liked it.
December. We attended around three midnight masses together. Spent time with God together. He was religious. He had a strong faith. And I liked it.
January. My birthday. His birthday. We were happy. He broke up with his girl. The first time I learned that he had one. I never knew, he never told me, I never asked. Okay,they broke up. No big deal. We continued exchanging messages. Sending and receiving sweet messages.Listening to each other's stories of happiness, depression, fears, angers, sadness, confusions. Comforting each other. Sharing happy moments. I liked it. I started to like him.
February. My friend's father's death. One of my crying moments. Tito was like a father to me. I grieved. I cried. I mourned. He offered his shoulders to cry on. I cried on his shoulders. He comforted me with happy thoughts, encouraging messages, jokes, happy stories, stories of hope, and a hug. A tight hug. And another hug. It felt good. I liked him more.
It was the first time he told me he loved me. It felt good. I felt loved. I thought that was it. He loved me. And I thought I loved him,too.
I continuoulsy received messages of love from him. He continuous;y showed me and made me feel he loved me. It felt good. I loved him,too.
But we just couldn't be together. He was my student. Society says it's forbidden. We didn't care at first. But we thought, we should care. So,we couldn't be together,formally. So he had to finish his studies first. We had plans of taking our Master's degree together. We had plans, he would graduate first, then we could be together. And no matter what happens, our sweet friendship would always be there. I thought.
Summer came. Messages from him became seldom. He was busy, I thought. Okay. It was a big deal. But I had to feel okay. Focus on my work. Teach. Forget about the doubts.
June. My friend told me that he was courting someone else. I was hurt,badly. Okay. It was a big deal. but I had to feel okay. Focus on my work. Teach. Forget about the pain. Forget about him.
August. I started receiving sweet messages from him again. And an " I love you" which,this time,didn't make me feel giddy. Instead, it made me think. And ask, "do you really love me?" Of course it was a yes. He said the feelings didn't fade. Though,yes,he had another girl. Okay. Tried not to make it a big deal. Focus on my new work. Teach. Manage an office. Forget about the questions.
I became busy wih my new job. So busy that I didn't have time to think about the doubts, about the pain, about the questions, about him. Still, he sent me sweet messages. Messages of love. We still shared stories. Not as often as before, but we still did. Yet, I decided to forget him,and everything we had. It was difficult. I didn't like it.
November. After several weeks of working on the faculty loading, one new subject was handed down to me. New subject, old faces. He was one of those. Old face. A face I wanted to get rid of. A face I wanted to stay away from. A face I wanted to forget. But there we were. Three times a week. I had no choice but to see him three times a week. He was again my student. I didn't like it. Or maybe, I did.
December. One sweet message and I took the guts to ask. "Should I still believe in what you say?". The answer, "Why not?". "Nothing, I just have so many thoughts. I want to tell you personally." "Okay,tell me when." The end of my courage. I hated it.
Few days after Christmas. A little greetings started it. And came to the question, "What's wrong? Just tell me straight. Don't keep it."
"I don't want to entertain my feelings for you. But it's just so difficult to do. Coz I don't know if I can still trust you. And I don't know if it's still worth it."
I explained. My mom and his lolo and tita had an issue. My mom was hurt. She was hurt badly. I was hurt,too. I understand his Tita. But even if I don't want to have any biases, the fact that it's about my mom, I already have a bias. I understand his Tita, but I understand my Mom, too. She was hurt. She was hurt badly. I was hurt,too. Family issues. Issues that even if we were not directly involved, "Malas lang namin". We were so unfortunate that we couldn't stay away from the issue. Sad. I hated it.
Another explanation. I had doubts about his love. He was not consistent. I let him know how I had been feeling. All the doubts, all the questions, all the pains. I let him know.
He just apologized, admitting his mistakes, telling me he was sorry, he was stupid. Apology accepted. But we just couldn't stay away from our family issues. My mom didn't like him simply because he's part of the family who belittled her, degraded her, caused her pain. He apologized, apology accepted. But it cannot change the fact that my mom still, if possible, doesn't want to get involved in any way to their family. It was sad. It was painful.
We decided to forget about our feelings. I love him, he knows that. But it's just complicated. We can still be friends, though. I'm still his teacher. We will still see each other three times a week. We can still share stories. We can still give comfort to each other. We can still be friends. But it is difficult. it's painful. But we have to.
January. My birthday. He greeted me with love. And that, I think, would be the last. For now.
"We're still young. Who knows, in the future, when everything's okay, we can be together."
It made me smile.
For now, come what may. It's still painful. It's still difficult. But I can handle it. ^_^
All the questions I have been asking myself, and I have been wanting to ask him. All the doubts I have, all the worries, all the pain and sadness. These lines started the end of it. Finally....
Finally I had the courage to tell him everything I wanted to say. Finally, I was able to release all the pains I had been keeping for so long. It was still painful,indeed. In fact, it was more painful than I though it would be.
Our story is simply complicated.. Family matters, trust issues, status (me as a teacher,and he as my student). It's been a year when we first met. He was just one of my students then. Just one of my students. Nothing special. He was not even part of my class at first. He was enrolled in my class but because he was an irregular student, he attended classes that fit his schedule. He attended another class of the same subject so I asked him to have his name transfered in that class. But instead, he chose to attend my class. Okay,no big deal.
He was a good student. He seldom made absences. He often participated in discussions. He was good in English, I must say better than most of his classmates. He was smart. Okay. Still, no big deal.
Before the semester ended, we became friends. Started exchanging text messages. Got to know each other better. He was different compared to those guys who had tried to be my friend. He never asked about my love life, never asked about me having no boyfriend, never asked anything about romantic relationships. That was good. And I liked it. He was different. He was sweet. He was platonic. And I liked it.
Then months went by. I received messages from him everyday, checking if I was okay. Asking what I was doing. Sharing stories. Listening to my stories. Got to know each other more and more. And I liked it.
December. We attended around three midnight masses together. Spent time with God together. He was religious. He had a strong faith. And I liked it.
January. My birthday. His birthday. We were happy. He broke up with his girl. The first time I learned that he had one. I never knew, he never told me, I never asked. Okay,they broke up. No big deal. We continued exchanging messages. Sending and receiving sweet messages.Listening to each other's stories of happiness, depression, fears, angers, sadness, confusions. Comforting each other. Sharing happy moments. I liked it. I started to like him.
February. My friend's father's death. One of my crying moments. Tito was like a father to me. I grieved. I cried. I mourned. He offered his shoulders to cry on. I cried on his shoulders. He comforted me with happy thoughts, encouraging messages, jokes, happy stories, stories of hope, and a hug. A tight hug. And another hug. It felt good. I liked him more.
It was the first time he told me he loved me. It felt good. I felt loved. I thought that was it. He loved me. And I thought I loved him,too.
I continuoulsy received messages of love from him. He continuous;y showed me and made me feel he loved me. It felt good. I loved him,too.
But we just couldn't be together. He was my student. Society says it's forbidden. We didn't care at first. But we thought, we should care. So,we couldn't be together,formally. So he had to finish his studies first. We had plans of taking our Master's degree together. We had plans, he would graduate first, then we could be together. And no matter what happens, our sweet friendship would always be there. I thought.
Summer came. Messages from him became seldom. He was busy, I thought. Okay. It was a big deal. But I had to feel okay. Focus on my work. Teach. Forget about the doubts.
June. My friend told me that he was courting someone else. I was hurt,badly. Okay. It was a big deal. but I had to feel okay. Focus on my work. Teach. Forget about the pain. Forget about him.
August. I started receiving sweet messages from him again. And an " I love you" which,this time,didn't make me feel giddy. Instead, it made me think. And ask, "do you really love me?" Of course it was a yes. He said the feelings didn't fade. Though,yes,he had another girl. Okay. Tried not to make it a big deal. Focus on my new work. Teach. Manage an office. Forget about the questions.
I became busy wih my new job. So busy that I didn't have time to think about the doubts, about the pain, about the questions, about him. Still, he sent me sweet messages. Messages of love. We still shared stories. Not as often as before, but we still did. Yet, I decided to forget him,and everything we had. It was difficult. I didn't like it.
November. After several weeks of working on the faculty loading, one new subject was handed down to me. New subject, old faces. He was one of those. Old face. A face I wanted to get rid of. A face I wanted to stay away from. A face I wanted to forget. But there we were. Three times a week. I had no choice but to see him three times a week. He was again my student. I didn't like it. Or maybe, I did.
December. One sweet message and I took the guts to ask. "Should I still believe in what you say?". The answer, "Why not?". "Nothing, I just have so many thoughts. I want to tell you personally." "Okay,tell me when." The end of my courage. I hated it.
Few days after Christmas. A little greetings started it. And came to the question, "What's wrong? Just tell me straight. Don't keep it."
"I don't want to entertain my feelings for you. But it's just so difficult to do. Coz I don't know if I can still trust you. And I don't know if it's still worth it."
I explained. My mom and his lolo and tita had an issue. My mom was hurt. She was hurt badly. I was hurt,too. I understand his Tita. But even if I don't want to have any biases, the fact that it's about my mom, I already have a bias. I understand his Tita, but I understand my Mom, too. She was hurt. She was hurt badly. I was hurt,too. Family issues. Issues that even if we were not directly involved, "Malas lang namin". We were so unfortunate that we couldn't stay away from the issue. Sad. I hated it.
Another explanation. I had doubts about his love. He was not consistent. I let him know how I had been feeling. All the doubts, all the questions, all the pains. I let him know.
He just apologized, admitting his mistakes, telling me he was sorry, he was stupid. Apology accepted. But we just couldn't stay away from our family issues. My mom didn't like him simply because he's part of the family who belittled her, degraded her, caused her pain. He apologized, apology accepted. But it cannot change the fact that my mom still, if possible, doesn't want to get involved in any way to their family. It was sad. It was painful.
We decided to forget about our feelings. I love him, he knows that. But it's just complicated. We can still be friends, though. I'm still his teacher. We will still see each other three times a week. We can still share stories. We can still give comfort to each other. We can still be friends. But it is difficult. it's painful. But we have to.
January. My birthday. He greeted me with love. And that, I think, would be the last. For now.
"We're still young. Who knows, in the future, when everything's okay, we can be together."
It made me smile.
For now, come what may. It's still painful. It's still difficult. But I can handle it. ^_^
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