Opposites

You know, the thing about loving someone who does things that threaten his health and his safety is that, it gives you a feeling that he will never ever get to understand -- WORRYING.

Alright. I don't smoke. My father died of a disease caused by smoking, and for years, I have been exposed to cigarette smoke, which is the primary reason why my lungs are not as healthy as it should be. And hopefully, one day, I would not have to suffer from a disease caused by second hand smoking, just like those innocent non-smokers who has been suffering from smokers' selfish acts. (fingers crossed). Yes, I'm calling it a selfish act.

But the person you love smokes. And yes, he probably has cut the number a lot, but still, he smokes. And whatever the reason is for not quitting, I just don't think it is ever justifiable. EVER.

I also don't drink. And I don't care if I'm probably no fun. After all, I don't have to feel guilty for not liking something others pretend to like. I also don't have anything against those who enjoy the luxury of getting drunk (except those who get wild and do something against others). After all, they are happy.

But drinking and driving is a different thing. No matter how little or how much alcohol is in one's stomach and head, I just don't think it will ever be ok to drink and drive. It's just too risky. Some of my friends, and students, have died of vehicular accidents while driving under the influence of alcohol. There have been so many parents who lost their children, whether they are the ones who drunk and drove, or it was an accident caused by another drunk driver. Still, their dreams and hearts are instantly shattered and broken into pieces because of something that could have actually been prevented.

And so the one you love drink.. And drive. And he probably thinks that you are being too hard on him for always getting "mad" whenever he does that. He probably thinks that you are doing so because you don;t drink, so you wouldn't understand. He probably thinks that you are "molding' him into a 'perfect' guy that you want instead of just accepting him perfectly. Probably. Just probably.

But this is what he doesn't know, and probably he doesn't fully understand. That YOU. WORRY. A. LOT. ABOUT. HIM. Because YOU. LOVE. HIM. It's a sad thing. Some actually might say that "you should just start learning to accept the fact that he does that, after all, nothing bad has happened yet, right? So don't worry." Yeah, right. He will never ever probably understand how difficult and painful it is to sit alone and wait and hope that pray that he would soon be home safe. It's actually one thing that he probably would never ever feel anyway.

And yet at the end of the day, you are still the one who is seen as no fun, or too hard, or whatever. Just because you are worrying about someone who is really important to you. Just because you worry. Just because you love. And that is something he will never ever understand.

Hugs, Val

Dear You,

IT'S OK NOT TO BE OK.

I know you're hurting. I know how difficult this thing is for you. You may think that you've made wrong decisions AGAIN. You may feel stupid for letting "history repeat itself", but hey, cliche as it may sound, but everything happens for a reason. The purpose of all these things will be revealed to you as soon as YOU ARE READY to see it. Right now, just, EMBRACE THE EMOTION. Feel it. Let your heart be broken. Nothing wrong with that. It happens. Soon, after all the pain, you'll realize HOW HAPPY BEING HAPPY IS. Don't try to cover up the pain, the more you do, the more it becomes eager to show itself. Let it be. 

I know you have worries. I know you have been thinking too much. I won't tell you to stop worrying coz I know it's hard to do. But, I'll tell you what, you don't have control over everything, but YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER SOME THINGS. So why not focus on those, and work them out? If you keep on thinking how they could get through, you yourself would not get through. Let them see things with their own eyes. Let them work on the things they have control over, just as you should work on yours. Just trust that they can do it; that's all they need. That's all you can do for them.

I know you're sad. I know how much you want to cry, and I know that you don't understand why those tears just won't come out. Relax. Maybe not now, maybe not yet. Maybe your heart can still handle it. Isn't that a good news? You've always been a crybaby, but look at you now, no tears. You're handling things well. You're handling things with grace. 

You're doing great, don't worry.



Hugs,
Val